Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Some recent thoughts...

I probably whine that Jim travels quite a bit for work. When Timmy was a newborn, to say I struggled with his travel schedule would be an understatement. The thought of taking care of our little guy ALL BY MYSELF was enough to freak me out. Whether the cause is good or bad though, his frequent work trips have forced me to adjust and lately I feel I’ve made leaps and bounds with my confidence in my ability to still be a good Mommy, even as a temporary single parent. A number of our friends have recently shared their exciting news of pregnancies or new babies with us, and I’ve been reflecting (during my evenings after putting Timmy to bed) of certain “things” I’ve learned in these last couple years, having to pause and laugh at how crazy I make myself sometimes.
 Before Timmy was born, I drove myself, and likely everyone around me, absolutely crazy with my incessant planning for all things BABY. I researched daycares, birthing methods (was convinced I was going to have a natural childbirth…Timmy’s plans to stay inside my belly 2 weeks past his due date, and 5 hours of Pitocin just to induce labor, pretty much massacred that plan), read books, made Jim attend countless pre-parent classes at Swedish, bought entirely too much “stuff”, and barely took the time I should have to relax and enjoy my pregnancy.
I laugh at myself now, recalling how I kept a spreadsheet detailing Timmy’s daily nursing, diaper changes, and naps, dished out over $500 on various swings, bouncers, and other supposed baby entertainment devices…all of which Timmy absolutely hated. My little guy wanted to be held non-stop, something I was happy to do at all hours. I spent countless hours researching infant diets, homemade baby food, appropriate books to read to Timmy, educational toys, and I freaked if the television was on while Timmy was awake.

What I’ve learned in these last 17 months (which have absolutely flown by) is what I think my heart knew all along:
* All my little guy wants is love. And boy does he have that!
* I am a huge fan of nursing. It was a rough start, but the bond I have with Timmy I feel is due in large part to the thousands of hours we’ve spent together cuddling in a certain rocking chair in his bedroom.  I'm still nursing him and don't plan to stop anytime soon.
* All the money in the world I could spend on toys cannot compete with the sheer enjoyment Timmy gets from playing outside, inspecting (and eating!) pinecones in our yard, throwing rocks in our neighbors mailbox, and eating mud.
* Any book that Timmy enjoys is a good book; just that we spend probably an hour each day reading together is the most important thing.
* I’m not a perfect Mommy, but I’m doing the best job I know how, and I LOVE being Timmy’s Mommy.
* Timmy is the BEST thing to have ever happened to me.

Lately I’ve felt like I don’t have a whole lot of control over my life. I don’t typically make New Years resolutions, possibly because I don’t keep them. Not sure if it’s a resolution or not, but what I’m hoping I can do this year is enjoy each day with Timmy and Jim, plan for what I can, and just accept that other things are beyond my control.

2 comments:

  1. Tara ~ just wanted to say you are an awesome MOM and you are doing a great job. This post reflects so many other moms thoughts but we just don't say them out loud. Miss you guys!

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  2. Great post Tara. I can totally relate, being a control-freak, I just wanted to make sure I was doing everything "right" before baby arrived. But truly the "right" thing is to just love, love, love them. Baby could care less about the material things, and in the end, so could I.

    These lessons changed my parenting 100% with the arrival of Baby #2.

    :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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